Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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