I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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