Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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