you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Randomize
