At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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