You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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