I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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