I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
