nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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