Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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