I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
