i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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