Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
