a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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