Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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