but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
