This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
