In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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