he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
