No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
