my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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