I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
