new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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