The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
