I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
