he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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