I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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