The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
