I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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