He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
