"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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