From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize