youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
