ya dads aren't the best wingmen
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
