Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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