I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
