i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
His nipple licking is glorious
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