No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
