I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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