Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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