atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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