The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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