Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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