There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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