I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
