She announced her abortion via fbk
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
