Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
