You really coming over, don't trick.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
