my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
