Got a toothbrush?
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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